Why you didn't get a Christmas card
‘Twas four days before Christmas, and all through the house
Not one card had been written; I felt like a louse.
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
And above them stood cards sent by folks far and near.
I should have been nestled all snug in my bed,
But tackled our Christmas and Hanukkah cards instead.
I dug out the address book and holiday stamps
And settled down to write cards till my old fingers cramped.
Next morning, I “mailed” them with a bit of a clatter
In the box on my porch, thinking what will it matter.
But someone swooped by, lively and quick,
And stole all the cards – and it wasn’t Saint Nick.
Leaving mail in the open was naïve if not crazy,
With a mailbox on the corner, I was really just lazy.
Some Grinch who was grabbing for gift cards or cash
Ripped off all the cards and dumped them as trash.
One envelope did hold a year-end donation,
So I thought I should notify the city police station.
First I webwised my bank to note payment should stop,
Then I called the dispatcher, who sent over a cop.
Worries about the stolen check started to mount.
What if some crook could rip off my account?
The bank mailed me a form that would give them the sway
To doublecheck signatures on checks sent their way.
Two days after Christmas, I went to the bank
With the bank form in hand, feeling slightly a crank.
When what to my wondering eyes should appear
But the stolen check, with a bit of a tear.
“Does this look familiar?” the teller implored.
It was found taped that morning to the bank’s big front door!
Thank you, kind person, who gave of their time,
Thus closing the book on this holiday crime.
The holiday season has truly been fleeting;
The time’s past for Hanukkah and Christmas greetings.
But this doesn’t mean the Lombardos don’t care.
So I’ll wish you all now: Happy, healthy New Year!